When I was 15, I couldn't wait to grow up. I wore as much Big Lash Mascara as possible, trying to look older than my years. My mom warned me that it wouldn't be that long and I'd be wanting people to think I was younger rather than older. At that moment though, the thought of that eventuality seemed far, far away!
Then at 20, now married with a new baby, part of me started to feel old. I looked at many of my friends who were un-married, finishing college and preparing for careers, and I began to feel older than my college peers in some ways. At the same time though, another part of me felt like an impostor in this adult world. I wasn't really old enough to be a mother! It was quite a schizophrenic feeling, to say the least!
Things started to change at about 25. NOW...I was that young mother with 3 children! By this time, I still felt somewhat of the interloper into the adult world. I loved playing with my children (and I KNEW mothers weren't supposed to do that...not really), so that must mean I was now just a "big kid"! At about that age though, I also remember a feeling coming over me that I was beginning to know who I was and I felt like...well...ME.
What I didn't plan on, was that I would still feel like the 25-year-old, young mother...at 55! Of course, the thought of myself being 55 was almost unimaginable then. It didn't sound much different from 75, or 85...it all sounded old to me then. The funny thing is, I would occasionally envision myself in my mid 90's or so. I could see myself as a really old lady (with the energy of a 25-year-old girl of course)!
I remember hearing my mother's friends talking about the slim and trim bodies that they had when they were in their twenties. I couldn't understand why they stood around and talked about how they used to look. All I could see now was that most of them were, well...pretty overweight and out of shape. I wondered why, if they were that concerned about it, they didn't just get in and lose the 50 lbs or so that they had gained, start exercising so they could have that body back! It was easy for ME to lose weight. I could lose 10 lbs in a week if I wanted to. Why couldn't they? Well, it was obviously a lack of self-control.
Oh, the intolerance of youth! The total lack of understanding of the aging process, that was soon to overtake me!
Now I find myself talking about how I used to look. This is, of course, for the benefit of people who didn't know me in my twenties, (as I'm sure it was, as well, for my mother and her friends).
I think we women do this because there is a sense of having to let people know...I wasn't always this way! At the same time though, I also want to say..."I'm still that 25-year-old, slim, energetic mother...can't you see"? It's as if I'm wearing a costume and no one can see the Real Me!
Now I've found I've joined the club. The club my mother used to belong to with all of her plump and aging friends. Hey...I never asked for a membership to this!
I bend down to pick up one of my grand kid's toys and the grunting sound I hear coming out of my mouth is the same sound my grandmother used to make when she would bend over! Lord help me! I've not only become my mother, but I'm also my grandmother as well!
Nowadays, there IS a lot of moaning and groaning coming from our bedroom, but usually, it's just my husband and me trying to get out of bed in the morning!
My joints ache, I can't bend over like I used to, my back goes out at the slightest provocation and all of my clothes are several sizes larger than they were 20 years ago.....but dang it....I STILL FEEL 25 ON THE INSIDE!
I wonder if that EVER goes away?
Then at 20, now married with a new baby, part of me started to feel old. I looked at many of my friends who were un-married, finishing college and preparing for careers, and I began to feel older than my college peers in some ways. At the same time though, another part of me felt like an impostor in this adult world. I wasn't really old enough to be a mother! It was quite a schizophrenic feeling, to say the least!
Things started to change at about 25. NOW...I was that young mother with 3 children! By this time, I still felt somewhat of the interloper into the adult world. I loved playing with my children (and I KNEW mothers weren't supposed to do that...not really), so that must mean I was now just a "big kid"! At about that age though, I also remember a feeling coming over me that I was beginning to know who I was and I felt like...well...ME.
What I didn't plan on, was that I would still feel like the 25-year-old, young mother...at 55! Of course, the thought of myself being 55 was almost unimaginable then. It didn't sound much different from 75, or 85...it all sounded old to me then. The funny thing is, I would occasionally envision myself in my mid 90's or so. I could see myself as a really old lady (with the energy of a 25-year-old girl of course)!
I remember hearing my mother's friends talking about the slim and trim bodies that they had when they were in their twenties. I couldn't understand why they stood around and talked about how they used to look. All I could see now was that most of them were, well...pretty overweight and out of shape. I wondered why, if they were that concerned about it, they didn't just get in and lose the 50 lbs or so that they had gained, start exercising so they could have that body back! It was easy for ME to lose weight. I could lose 10 lbs in a week if I wanted to. Why couldn't they? Well, it was obviously a lack of self-control.
Oh, the intolerance of youth! The total lack of understanding of the aging process, that was soon to overtake me!
Now I find myself talking about how I used to look. This is, of course, for the benefit of people who didn't know me in my twenties, (as I'm sure it was, as well, for my mother and her friends).
I think we women do this because there is a sense of having to let people know...I wasn't always this way! At the same time though, I also want to say..."I'm still that 25-year-old, slim, energetic mother...can't you see"? It's as if I'm wearing a costume and no one can see the Real Me!
Now I've found I've joined the club. The club my mother used to belong to with all of her plump and aging friends. Hey...I never asked for a membership to this!
I bend down to pick up one of my grand kid's toys and the grunting sound I hear coming out of my mouth is the same sound my grandmother used to make when she would bend over! Lord help me! I've not only become my mother, but I'm also my grandmother as well!
Nowadays, there IS a lot of moaning and groaning coming from our bedroom, but usually, it's just my husband and me trying to get out of bed in the morning!
My joints ache, I can't bend over like I used to, my back goes out at the slightest provocation and all of my clothes are several sizes larger than they were 20 years ago.....but dang it....I STILL FEEL 25 ON THE INSIDE!
I wonder if that EVER goes away?
I like it! You still look 20 something to me. Of course I'm losing my sight...hair....hearing...
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